Heart-y Leadership

Spring break is late this year. Very late. Very, very late. We are all “running on empty.”  If you are like me, and my staff, we have been dragging through these last three weeks. It’s an honest statement.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, my staff loves their jobs, but we are tired. Very, very tired. And we need to recognize that, name that and support those feelings.  

Recognize It and Name It.

When you are feeling tired and less than patient, give yourself permission to recognize that feeling. Say it out loud.  Literally. Tell the folks close to you, “I’m tired today, so I might be checking in with you more often,” or when making a decision regarding discipline with a student that may be trying your patience, say, “I’m checking in with you on this decision – just want to be sure that I’m not being cranky or rash about this.”

Why do this? Because when you allow yourself to be human and vulnerable, it allows others to be the same.  It gives others permission to say, “I’m tired and cranky too and I might be letting that impact the decisions I’m making.”

Support It.

Who is on your shadow team? Who lifts you up when you are down, tired or running on empty?  These are the folks who will support you as you push through tired, push through overwhelmed and push through until spring break.

This isn’t to say that you announce to the whole world that you are “off duty” or not feeling your best self, but it is to say that for a trusted few you let your guard down and you let them help you get through. Tap yourself out if a kid is triggering you.  Tap yourself in if a colleague is needing support from you. Use each other to support things that need to get down when you are “running on empty.” In doing so, you’ll find the reserve fuel you need to make it through a few more days until you get the longer reprieve that you need.

Recently, the administrators in our district gathered to celebrate the retirement/moving on of a colleague…a legend.  As I stood with my current colleagues, one by one, the room filled with former leaders, visionaries, and just all around amazing people.  Laughter, joy, old stories, and hugs were passed around. At some point, they gathered to take a picture of the “original team”. I stood back and thought to myself, “I am in the presence of the legends who came before me.”

I can recall so many wonderful stories and lessons learned from these incredible leaders.  While I was a teacher, I only saw one side. However, on this evening, I was able to listen to what these legends faced.  The struggles and successes. The failed attempts and victories won. Through it all, they created the district that I am so lucky to serve today. Think of your own legends. Recall what they taught you about education, life, and leadership.

This group of educators are the leaders I try so very hard to emulate.  They are the people I tell stories about, both good and bad. In the case of my former Principal, Gary Abbamont, he raised me as a brand new teacher.  He hired me. He believed in me. He mentored me. As a principal now, I share the stories of how Gary did things. I also share what life was like as a teacher and administrator under the guidance and vision of two amazing Assistant Superintendents, Joanne Kerekes & Willa Spicer.  I tell their stories. I tell my story of what teaching was like under their wing. My colleagues and I recall quotes and phrases that both inspire us and make us laugh at how that could have even been possible. While I watched this group engage and reminisce, I could not help but think that I will never be as good, as strong, as organized, or as kind.  After all, these are truly legends.

As you struggle with your work, I offer you this…

Stand on the shoulders of those who came before you…the Legends.

Truth be told, there is a little piece of each of them in who I am today.  When faced with a challenge or difficult moment, I try to bring the passion and creativity of Willa, the work ethic and magnetism of Joanne, the professionalism of Gary A., the unwavering knowledge of Gary M., the “rule following” of Rick, the innovation of Glenn, the heart of Pat, and the kindness of Joe. These are MY legends and I am blessed to be able to stand on their shoulders.

Who are your legends?

…but I know I’m who I am today, because I knew you…

-Wicked The Musical

Originally published 3/19/19 on schoolinspirations.wordpress.com

I make it a practice as an elementary school principal to have a reading, writing or math buddy in almost every classroom. I work with them weekly for about 15-30 minutes on whatever it is they are working on at that moment. When I arrive I tell them, “I’ll do the writing, you do the thinking.” For my struggling writers, they love this.

Working 1:1 with students throughout the week gives me joy. It reminds me why I do all of the other managerial tasks that come along with being a building Principal. I hope too, that it sends the message to my teachers that “we are all in this together.” That I, too, do not back away from working with students who struggle. Being in their classrooms weekly also gives me a better opportunity to understand their classes/students in a more organic way and see how I can best offer support.

My students have some to hold me accountable for showing up. I do my best to come weekly but sometimes a meeting gets in the way or an unexpected event that precludes me from coming.

Last week I had to tell two of my Kindergarten girls that I couldn’t come to see them. “But why?!” they whined. “Because I have to go do some other work right now,” I tried to explain. “But why?!” they whined again, accompanied by the cutest pouting faces that kindergarten girls can give you.” I’ll try to come later or tomorrow, ok?” I said. “OK,” they said in their sad voices (even though it really wasn’t ok).

I love that they love when I come. It is food for my soul and reminds me why I am in education. When I think about the things I do weekly as a leader, this is one that makes me the most proud.

This time last week, I was recovering from chaperoning a 4-day trip with 70 Middle School students to perform on a national stage at the Music For All National Concert Band Festival.  This was a complete honor for our students, our school, our district, and our state! We are the first Middle School band to ever be selected to perform at this prestigious event. Now, if you are an educator, you probably did not read the last two sentences.  Why? Because you were probably stuck on the words, “4-day trip with 70 Middle School students”!! 70 teenagers in Indianapolis for 4 nights, 2 of which were spent on the 12 hour bus ride to and from New Jersey. It is true…and I survived!

While I joke, the reality is that I returned a very different principal.  Spending time with your students outside of the typical hustle and bustle changes you.  Whether it is at a game, an event, a showcase, a service project, a field trip, or something as epic as an overnight trip, there is nothing more special than the unstructured time with kids.  You see them differently and perhaps more importantly, they see you differently.

After sleeping the first night on a bus, we arrived in Indianapolis at 7:30am, quickly changed into our festival attire, (business dress for all the whole weekend – no jeans, no leggings, no hoodies, no sneakers, and wait for it…no phones!) and rushed into a big ballroom for the Opening Ceremonies.  This is a tradition to set the stage for the weekend and to get the students motivated for this honor. We sat with kids from Texas, Hawaii, and Virginia – all eager to be present and eager to play music. The keynote speaker was Dr. Tim Lautzenheiser. Dr. Tim is a well-known name in the music education world as a teacher, clinician, author, composer, consultant, and adjudicator.  Ironically, this was not my first time hearing Dr. Tim speak. When I was in High School, I had attended a leadership camp with Dr. Tim and was quickly inspired by his calls to action. Naturally, I was eager for my students to hear from the same inspirational speaker. But, knowing how tired (and ripe) everyone was, I was really hoping they did not fall asleep.

Dr. Tim’s message did not disappoint. Without giving away the magic of how he got the kids to engage and ‘feel’ his words, the takeaway message was simple…  

You’re in rare air, don’t let this go to waste.
Reach a little higher.
Try something different.
Stand up for what you appreciate.

I was struck with the simplicity and wondered what this would mean to my students. Here we were rushing around, stressed to perform on a national stage, upset about not having a shower for over 24 hours, and not able to check into our rooms until after 10pm that night.  None of that mattered. Following Dr. Tim’s message, I saw our kids in a different light… I watched them reach a little higher, try something different, and stand up for what they appreciated.

Reach a little higher.  This event was no doubt a REACH for our kids.  We entered as the underdogs with dented and taped up instruments, hand me down equipment, and a case that must have been from my grandmother.  Not to mention that I, along with all the other chaperones, spent time helping the girls with their hair, fixing the boy’s shirt collars, and tying ties.  Our students listened to several other schools with stress and anxiety. However, as the underdogs took the stage, knocking over cymbals and a music stand upon entry, (not a good thing to do in ‘rare air’) I saw them reach like they never had before.  They played with raw energy and enthusiasm that brought the house to a standing ovation after each and every piece they performed. Such little bodies, reaching just a little bit higher.

It left me thinking, how can I reach a little higher for my kids, my school, my staff?

Try something different.  Part of this festival includes learning from “masters” on specific instruments.  Our students were divided into instrument groups and shuttled around the massive conference center to learn from experts. They brought their instruments to play along.  As they left, the teacher shouted after them saying, “Remember, don’t be afraid to try something different! Be open to anything!” From the teacher, who was filled with anxiety and stress himself, I would think that the last thing he would want is for his kids to learn something different, especially because this happened prior to the big performance mentioned above.   However, he knew that this was ‘rare air’ – an opportunity unlike any other that these kids would have experienced. Following the classes, the kids came back so excited that they were almost shouting up the escalators to me…”Ms. Capes!! You will never believe what we learned! It was amazing and we got to try it right away!”

How many times do I stick with what I know and never open myself up to something different?  

Stand up for what you appreciate.  In Dr. Tim’s opening remarks to the kids, he took time to talk about appreciation…true appreciation.  His example was related to applause from an audience. He spoke about how the applause from our audience was basic and lackluster, a generic ‘nice job!’.  However, he listed the hard work, tough days, difficult paths, and focus that occurs when preparing to perform or showcase anything. It doesn’t simply happen by chance.  Dr. Tim then had the students reflect on the audience’s reaction to that hard work with the response of true appreciation, not just the obligatory applause. The result was a respectful, yet exhilarating standing ovation.  He said, “Stop giving half effort back. If you appreciate something, stand up for it!” Wow! From that moment, our kids showed such genuine appreciation for every group they saw making the whole experience of being an audience member interactive and responsive.  The pride I had watching them was truly overwhelming. I was in ‘rare air’.

There is so much that I appreciate about the work at my school – by staff, students, PTO, etc…  However, do I ‘stand up’ for it?

Throughout the trip, I continued to think about this message and the questions towards my own practice.  I took time to break out of the Principal mold and to be present with my students – to show them that I can reach a little higher, try something different, and stand up for what I appreciate.  I made time to spend a few personal minutes with every single student. We laughed, chased each other on the stairs vs. escalator, got lost on the streets of Indianapolis, we sang together on the busses, ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner together, and we wished each other a good night’s sleep after taping their doors shut. (Middle School overnight management tip!)  As a leader, it is easy to think you must be the one to stay back in the building to oversee the masses. While so many times this is true, there are no words to describe the bond that occurs when you show your students and their families that you would treat them as your own.

Now, one week out, as I walk the halls of my building and get back in the routine, I have been challenging myself.  How can I reach a little higher, try something different, and stand up for what I appreciate? We are all in ‘rare air’ – our schools are magical and dynamic places. When you see kids push themselves in these three ways, you realize that anything is possible

I came back a changed Principal… I hope you consider the same.

Sometimes you have to say, Mea Culpa! Yup. As hard as it is, as leaders we have to say when we are wrong, when we’ve made an error or when we’ve caused stress.  It happens. But we have to be honest enough with ourselves and our staff to name it.

Recently I created a frenzy one morning. It was an honest mistake. I was at home early in the morning trying to answer e-mails and solve problems quickly.  In doing so, I sent out an e-mail that needed to be clarified and reclarified and RECLARIFIED that morning. Ooops! And so, in my way of saying MEA CULPA and acknowledging that we all need to slow down… I sent this poem out to my staff.  It was a good reminder for me too.

Pace Yourself
February 26, 2019
By Jodi Mahoney
 
37 school days until vacation.
Pace yourself.
 
Among the fury of lesson plans,
Conferences and data collection,
Breathe.
 
Find joy in your students.
Rejoice in growth (even if small).
Make time for slowing down…
…yes, slowing down…
Even when everything is moving fast.
 
Take time to smile, reach out,
And connect with others.
This fuels your soul.
It slows the pace.
It reminds you to be
Present.
 
When demands are being
Heaped on and thrown at you…
Breathe. 
Prioritize.
Collaborate.
Reach out.
Connect with one another.
 
Pace yourself.
Vacation is only 37 school days away.
You’ve got this! 

So, the post below was originally shared in 2013 after attending the EdScape conference in New Jersey. Now, in 2019, just one day after helping to launch and lead the first EdCampLEAD at TCNJ, I thought it is super appropriate to share. Connecting with educators is the HEART of the work we do. The message is the same and has truly withstood the test of time. Here I am…6 years later…and stronger than before due to my PLN and the support of amazing colleagues like JODI. So, KEEP CONNECTING! #connectXRDS

Promises:  I promise to connect with others.  I promise to take everything one step at a time.  I promise to share my excitement with others.

So, here goes.  This is my first blog post!!  To be honest, I have certainly participated in blog before.  However, this is the first time I have started my own blog.  I am not quite sure if this will stick or if this will “withstand the test of time”, yet I have been so inspired by my recent attendance at #edscape, that I needed to take a few “first steps”.

On Saturday morning at 7:00am, I thought about not attending the Edscape Conference.  I thought about my two awesome children, who I never seem to have enough time with.  I thought about the many observations and reports that would be left undone.  I thought about the boxes throughout my house that are waiting to be unpacked.  There were so many reasons to just not go.  Yet, as I struggle to find my footing in my professional life, I realized that in not going, I would a) let down my colleagues who were probably already on their way, and b) remain in the proverbial silo.  Fifteen minutes after my internal fight began, I decided to get going not knowing what the day would hold.

Needless to say, there are not enough words to describe how glad I am that I made the decision to attend this conference.  Edscape was beyond my expectations and certainly the inspiration I needed.  Keynoter George Couros was amazing!  His words reminded me that being connected is not about being a techie genius…instead, being connected is what we all aspire to be.  After all, we are all human.  

Connect.Engage.Inspire.

The rest of the day unfolded with learning from many great presenters as well as networking with my own colleagues.   As I thought about all that I was missing at home, I realized that this day was the best Professional Development that I have had since I attended a National Convention.  (I still really missed my children!!!)  However, it was not just the great presentations.  Beyond that, it was the connections that I made to incredible educators…twitter being the catalyst.  

I end my first post by saying two final statements…

Thank you:  Thank you to George and Eric Sheninger for creating such an opportunity.  Thank you to my quickly developing PLN.  Thank you to my children for letting mom go!  Thank you to the awesome educators I work with each and every day who inspire me to continue learning.

Promises:  I promise to connect with others.  I promise to take everything one step at a time.  I promise to share my excitement with others.

So…that’s it.  I did it.  First Blog Post done! 

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

Welcome!! Jodi Mahoney and I (Bonnie Capes-Flanders) have been each blogging and sharing content about leadership and education independently.  However, today marks the day we take our journey as a team!  Being in the company of someone who loves their work as much as you do is inspirational and infectious.

We are excited to share our thoughts, our ideas, and our stories.  We hope you enjoy!

-Bonnie